He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
