I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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