My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I will be naked everywhere
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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