ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
