I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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