I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
