I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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