you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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