She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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