I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
