hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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