So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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