If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
