so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
