why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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