They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think your dad took our porno
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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