Jerry, you need to find god
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
