According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Pants are for mortals
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
