nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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