I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
