Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
