yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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