the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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