I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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