I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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