and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
