after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
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He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
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Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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