he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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