someone threw a dead crab at me
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
