Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
