I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
