just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
