i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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