Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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