pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
