take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
