I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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