So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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