he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
