he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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