half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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