So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
