just come out here and I will go home with you...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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