marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
