I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
