Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
