and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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