and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
