PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
