I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
