I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
foreskin is a definite game changer
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
