I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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