she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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