i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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