Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
