I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
