i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
