I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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