She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
