I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
