Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
