someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
