The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
