just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize