is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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